February

Winter always gets me. Even when I try my hardest to work with this slower, colder season, I feel like I'm born again out of a dark hole when the end of February arrives. My body finally wakes up, my heart opens, and I'm ready to take on the days ahead. Not the case in Winter. All I want to do is sleep and hunker down under ten blankets. Maybe I'm part bear??

February has been a great month, though. I wrapped up the final watercolors on my newest picture book. I'm so happy with how they turned out! I reflected recently on my first book, "The Three Things"- did a little post about it on Instagram and sold some copies. That was delightful, knowing my story would be read to some new children. I still LOVE this book with all my heart, and there aren't many copies left. I'm a bit bummed that I won't really be able to promo it anymore. But I'll always have a few copies on hand to do a reading!

Because I have renewed energy, I want to start making things again. Things that nourish me, things that require time and some ingredients; things that require a process. My first attempt at sourdough in a while is going well. I have yet to bake a loaf but the starter is lookin' alive! I'll let you know how it goes. I've had back luck in the past but I'm optimistic this time!

I'm also finishing up some custom art pieces for the platinum kickstarter folks of The Spacious Tarot. I've been sharing the progress on Instagram and talking about why I chose certain colors. Some are for stylistic reason, and some are to convey perspective or distance.

Lots of love, everyone. Spend time with the people you love and doing some things that bring you joy.

-Annie

My Dad, me, and my twin sister at a local farm.

Seeking non-attention.

I fully disclose that I have always been seeking attention. As a child I loved to sing and wanted to be a famouse actress/artist/singer someday. Strangely, I was uncomfortable with beeing "seen" as a kiddo and I didn't know how to enjoy or deal with the attention, but I still sought it hard.

I think we all do this to an extent. We all want to be loved and adored, and we try as much as we can (sometimes unconciously) to get the recognition.

I realized this pattern recently about myself, really seeing it for the first time as a wave of cataclysmic energy in my career and love life. I am working really hard on breaking it up and step forward with the intention of doing good, honest work that I'm excited about, sharing it with confidence, and doing LESS to be up in y'all's faces. I want to match my actions with my new meaning of success, which is less about numbers, more about integrity.

We all have enough going on, don't we? I would rather be less on your radar and share things with you that bring value to your life, then try and wave my shit in your face every few minutes to make you "think of me". In fact, if you don't think me ever, that's ok, too. Although, I think you all of you and can never stifle this urge to share the human experience with anyone who is willing. I'd like to leave this world, having seen and heard and known a lot of you, not kept to myself. Hermitude forever? Nooo thanks.

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So Autumn is here, and pumpkins are magical, so Ocotber walks are delightful. I've been cutting out some major players in the foodsphere to work on my health and have been feeling really tip top. Here's a little recipe for pumpkin bread that I've made about 4 times and I LOVE everything about it. It's pretty clean, too.

For my birthday I did a little "letter writing party" and exchanged letters instead of cake-in-person. I would be happy to continue this with anyone if they so please. Letters light up my spirit! If you want my address, just send me a message via the ABOUt page.

Celebrating sisters

In a few days I will turn 33. It doesn't weird me out one bit. Not one...

Mid August, I started a painting class at my old community college in town, and as I gawk at the kids there, embarking on their educational path, I feel kind of ancient. This is silly because I'm not even in the "middle" of my life. I've just completed about a third of my life. I have so much to learn, and I'm honored to be in that class, but I guess perspective on how far I've come is also a useful tool.

That said, with 33, I'm happy to say that I've made it over a weird hump of frustration and confusion about what I'm supposed to do and how I'm supposed to live.

This I learned: THERE ARE NO RULES.

I was waiting for something spectacular to click the last 4 years. Like a kind of understanding of my sexuality, my talent, how status worked, and how to do a "good job", but no I think all that is just a ploy into buying stuff to make me think I'm doing it right and abiding by "the rules". Those magazines and their ads are so effective!

No no no, I'm always learning, trying my best, and will continue to do this. That's the only truth, and nothing will ever click except the seatbelt in my convertable of freedom that comes along with having NO IDEA what life is about. Ha!

I have a twin, by the way. She's amazing and smart and sassy, and she is a good mirror to me, showing me that there are lots of other humans going through the same things as I am, and maybe just sharing and hugging each other is all I need to do to feel sparks fly. And make art. That makes sparks fly, too.

I ALSO moved back to my hometown and I feel wildly grounded but also like a barefoot child with boundless appreciation of the oak trees and various fruit trees in my neighborhood. *I'm so happy to be home.

Tarot Deck alllll Day

It's been a while since I wrote a blog post, but that's because I've been head down, but seated, working hard on the Spacious Tarot and my new picture book. I can't talk about the picture book too much right now (I think) but I'll post a snippet of the illustrations I've been refining. Still wating on the green light to make final art but it's getting there!

You’ve seen some of it already, but here’s the illustration style of a new book in the works.

In the meantime, I have moved from OC to NorCal, closer to family. I love it. I love them.

I'm looking for more involvement with my community and finding it through regular coffee shop visits and lots of walks downtown.

Taking a painting class at the local college to get my feet wet with oil paints and explore some concepts that have been inside of me, waiting to emerge. For instance, I realize most art before the 1900s were made for men only. What do women want to see in art? What subjects, what colors. How do you want it to make you FEEL?? I'd love your thoughts on this.

And also working on another draft of my MG novel. What are you reading these days? What do your kids love to read? I need some recommendations!!

xoxox, Annie

Here’s my face saying hi, friends!!!

Spacious Process

Some have asked about how I go about illustrating the Spacious Tarot cards, so I thought I'd give an insider's look into the process. Until a month ago, I strictly used a Wacom cintiq, but I've since switched over to an ipad. I continue to work in Photoshop, however, so I recommend downloading astropad so you can work PS on your tablet.

Here's how I start. A sketch!

I love working with fake, digital pencil brushes because my heart flutters over texture. From there, Carrie and I talk about the composition and make sure it's clear what w'ere trying to communicate with each card.

Next I "ink" it and drop in basic color. I use Kyle Webster brushes, usually the "rough inker comics" brush and the "big wide softy" and "big fat spongy" thing to add a little sumin' sumin'.

As you can see, there's not a lot happening at this point, so from here I start adding darker tones and some lighter tones to create contrast.

We're getting somewhere! Once I can get here, then the rest feels like frosting a cake. I usually play with tones for a bit, but after that I add details and texture, focusing on strong lighting.

Believe it or not, this almost the finished card. After adding a couple more highlights and darker shadows to give it that "pop", I do a watercolor overlay, which ever card has, so that it feels organic and deep.

This is always where the magic happens for me. I love this particular overlay and the slight pink hue it gives to the card, bringing out the purples.

I hope you enjoyed seeing the 4 of cups in its many stages. See you soon!

-Annie

Ladies who launch.

I'm sitting on the floor in Carrie Mallon's office here in Salt Lake City. Her cat, Lulu, is purring loudly on her lap, and the sun is shining almost lazily outside while birds chatter. It's nearly June 21st, the summer solstice, and pleasant attitudes exude from everyone as we visit some cafes and walk amongst the blooming neighborhoods- summer is here.

I relish in this awareness of a sweet moment, where the two of us can share a creative space and also celebrate the fact that we worked really hard on this tarot deck. I bet anyone who reads this could use a reminder that they have acomplished something terrific with their own will, be that making a glorious dinner or earning a degree. Even watering all the plants in their fantastic garden which took hours and hours to cultivate is a task worthy of celebration. Behind most feats that take concentration, are hours of dedication, often to earning a living, yes, which in turn allows us do the things we love. I am thankful to the people in my life who have guided me and journeyed along the way, since they are huge players in my game.

In two days the deck will launch on kickstarter. I hope you'll come along with us! This deck has seen me through losing a job, living with my folks, moving to new york, and moving back to southern California- all transitions that have helped me grow into the woman I am today (Which is a woman i am proud to be!) It has taught me the value of patience, trust, enjoying my own creative imput, and the serendipitous relationships that manifest in our lives. All hail our journies to getting HERE right NOW.

I hope you enjoy this deck. Here is a video Carrie made to show the cards and how they will feel in space and time. Happy solstice and see you soon!

The Slowness of Vitality

Today's post comes from 6 weeks of slowing down and stepping away on an advenure to 4 different Euopean countries, a luxury I have and am truly grateful for. I am thankful for the flexibility of my work, and grateful for friends and family who will let me come visit and learn from them. They made this possible and I am fortunate.

I want to share what I learned so that you, in case you are feeling how I often feel when projects stack up and your stress rules your day, can step back and choose the path less taken by your efficient brain, and make the choice that's best for you NOW.

Meditation helps with this (1). Try it. I have to do it every damn day otherwise I will run amok and wiggle around trying to do everything/end up doing nothing. There is also significant science between the corrolation of a personal art practice and mental health (2). This makes sense when we think of art therapy being a viable resource to people, but you can easily have your own artistic practice and reap many benefits.

Pre Euro-trip, I was starting my day frustrated and angry, feeling like I never had enough time in my day. My shoulder hurt, by knees aches, my belly was bloated, my heart sank. I knew something was off and didn't know why. "I have a great life," I would think to myself. I never make art for myself. I worry about money. I rarely see friends. I spend way too much dough on chocolate.

During Euro-trip, I walked and walked and walked till my legs yelled. I saw inspiration on every street corner because I was actually looking up. I took the time to visit people for dinner, sit and draw people, enjoy a sandwich, facetime my Mom, devour books and enjoy looking out the window. My body came. back. to. life. I eat a little chocolate from every country I visit.

Post Euro-trip, my shoulder is starting to hurt again, but my body feels fitter and more relaxed. I am meditating and trying to walk as much as possible. I am stopping work at 4pm and going to yoga or for bike rides. I still have to remind myself to make art for myself. I go out and paint in the sunshine with some friends. I haven't eaten any chocolate so I'll buy some tonight and enjoy it with candlelight.

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There are patterns in the pre, during, and post descriptions. There are also some non-patterns, and I think those have to do with chocolate. Chocolate is not the issue. The issue is I'm aware that I must enjoy this day, take care of my body, and allow myself to do the things I enjoy. I'm working on fortifying the mind, which tends to worry and analyze, and overthink because that's all it knows how to do. I couldn't see my mental patterns before, because I was so deep in them. Travel helped me step away and run wild in a whole new environment, which automatically shakes up neuropathways and gives the brain new problems to solve. Like how does this toilet work? When does my train leave and how do I get there? What does that French word mean?

Artwork on the Millennium bridge in London. NOT graffiti because the art is on a gum wad.

The theme, I beleive, behind this method of interacting with the world, is to slow down and be present. So zen, I know. But slowing down makes it easier to catch ourselves and get out of reactive mode. When we're not constantly reacting, we can use our energy, even feel more energy, toward our creative pursuits.

If you can't travel to Europe, you can venture to a new street or take a new route and pay attention to what's around you. Find new problems to solve that mean something, that help you explore the world, not run away from it. Discover something new every day and you will come back alive in real ways.

Slowing down, looking around, paying attention to the world. For free.

We can all do this and it's free. Who's with me?

How do you like to explore within your own environment? Do you have a way of shaking things up at home? In your neighborhood? At work?

(1) https://nccih.nih.gov/health/meditation/overview.htm “Meditation: In Depth.

(2) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2804629/ "The Connection Between Art, Healing, and Public Health: A Review of Current Literature"

Refuge oh Refuge

At least 40, probably more, slightly larger than life figures sit inside an inflatable boat, waiting for land. Some have horns, some wear ornate collars, and some look like Nefertiti. There are a clan of mythical creatures, historical figures, and nameless men and children, that are searching for hope. Constructed by thin lengths of bamboo that wrap around them in ovals upon ovals, they are fragile as well as strong. They long for space and peace, knowing that they are barely there to the eyes of others. They are hollow and subtle energetically to the western world, yet immersed in theirs you would feel the weight and distress, and crumbling flesh. This is Ai Weiwei's "Life Cycles" at the Marciano Art Center in Los Angeles.

Refuge: a condition of being safe or sheltered from pursuit, danger, or trouble.

A human right.

After the show, I clambered upstairs to see some hidden galleries (the place is so much bigger than it looks when you first enter). And came upon Andrea Bower's piece.

I was delighted to see this piece, because a little spark tickled me, knowing that refuge is found in art, in cultivation of good things in our lives. To seek refuge, we are seeing safety and peace. Sometimes this is external, God forbid it is, and I hope our world can work on helping everyone find safe homes, decent food, and warmth. But many people also seek internal refuge, knowing that even though they are in a warm house, their hearts are longing for a closeness to… the everything. To the joy that we all can experience, but for some reason don’t know how to just “turn on”.

I see this joy as something kids play so easily with. They run around, chasing each other and laughing their heads off. No cash required.

Sometimes, when I need refuge, I light a candle, turn on some soft music and bring out my art supplies and tarot deck. I’ll pull a card or two and let it speak to me. Usually the cards bring forward a theme that I can then work with in a small art piece. This is why I’m so excited to share the tarot deck that I’ve been working on with all of you. I find tarot, basically, art therapy. Images can help us literally SEE what’s going on for us, where talking or reading a book may not touch the abstract place that we need to view from. Of course, with all internal work, our power is within, but tarot can be such a lovely catalyst to accessing that power.

Photo by Carrie Mallon

Keep track of the tarot deck and potential release dates on instagram: @thespacioustarot !

Love,

Annie