I recommend retreats. I recommend space and time for anyone to be with themselves. I got back from a stint in France where I did a lot of that. Less art and more walks. Less social and more solo. It was a wonderful trip, but at the same time... There were lots of walks to the local church to pray. Lots of looking around and wondering what I should do when I go back. On the plane ride home I started to write about everything in my heart. I didn't stop writing from about 4 hours.
Toward the end of the trip I had learned some things, some of which I plan to put into a book or something of the sort. I relished those morning walks the most, for they gave me those lessons. I drank them in, knowing the walks would soon end. Going back is always bittersweet. You're usually going home to people and places you love dearly. This time around I was returning to my childhood home, no job, clean slate. It felt different from my other return flights while traveling. I was so excited to go back to a home that had been a part of my heart for so long, but when I got back....I realized there was a new person who was trying to fit in her old bedroom. There were new desires and new ways of operating around people. Something didn't match.
What do I want to create?
Who is this new woman and what does she need?
I walked by this sign every day. It's magical to me.
We always think we're more solid than we are, don't we? We always think that being stoic and non-responsive to life changes is being "strong".
It's different this time, but it's also the same. Old patterns are hard to break, but I'm much more aware of them than I ever was before. Curious, even. I have several practices for this time in my life, but one of them is to recall a quote that's helped carry me in the past:
"To pay attention, this is our endless and proper work." -Mary Oliver
I will do this. I will do this forever! ;)
Warmth and light,
Annie