I recommend retreats.  I recommend space and time for anyone to be with themselves.  I got back from a stint in France where I did a lot of that.  Less art and more walks.  Less social and more solo.  It was a wonderful trip, but at the same time...  There were lots of walks to the local church to pray.  Lots of looking around and wondering what I should do when I go back.  On the plane ride home I started to write about everything in my heart.  I didn't stop writing from about 4 hours.


Toward the end of the trip I had learned some things, some of which I plan to put into a book or something of the sort.  I relished those morning walks the most, for they gave me those lessons.  I drank them in, knowing the walks would soon end.  Going back is always bittersweet.  You're usually going home to people and places you love dearly.  This time around I was returning to my childhood home, no job, clean slate.  It felt different from my other return flights while traveling.  I was so excited to go back to a home that had been a part of my heart for so long, but when I got back....I realized there was a new person who was trying to fit in her old bedroom.  There were new desires and new ways of operating around people.   Something didn't match.

What do I want to create?

Who is this new woman and what does she need?

I walked by this sign every day.  It's magical to me.

I walked by this sign every day.  It's magical to me.

We always think we're more solid than we are, don't we?  We always think that being stoic and non-responsive to life changes is being "strong".  

It's different this time, but it's also the same.  Old patterns are hard to break, but I'm much more aware of them than I ever was before.  Curious, even.  I have several practices for this time in my life, but one of them is to recall a quote that's helped carry me in the past:

"To pay attention, this is our endless and proper work." -Mary Oliver

I will do this.  I will do this forever! ;)

Warmth and light,