New York is made of moments.
I treasure many of them, but I'm not immune to loosing sight of some, too. ...Or getting held up in logistics and trying to earn money. I forget to look up at the trees, you know?
Coming here to NYC was a dream come true. I was so stuck doing it, and I told myself it would be a trial run. Now that I'm here, I see the possiblities and opportunities, and I often think, "I could get use to this". But there's also a mash of feelings taht come alone with this gusto. Moving across the country away from friends and family without an anchoring foundation like University or a new job, makes for a really strange experience. It's like an actress moving to LA to try and "make it". You feel deeply like that's the place you need to be, but it's not simple and it's not emotionally smooth, and everyone asks, "Why are you going to New York?"
But when has anything been emotionally smooth for me? "Just wanted to try it out," I reply.
I've met up with friends who came here to visit, dear beloved friends that I don't get to see often. It's funny that we were able to clandestantly be together in New York, each brought together for a day from Orange County, DC, Westchester, and a rouge one (maybe a new brooklynite?).
I've spent time with a new love, a man who kind of snuck into my life suddenly before I realized it wasn't random at all. Oblivious to the potential, I connected with him through a mutual friend before coming out here, and it's blossomed into something really special. I've seen so many aspects of myself, accompanied by his loving kindness. He's opened me back up to love, and we laugh hard at each other.
It's like, "Here Annie, follow this dream and then see who you really are! You've been wanting this, right? You've been searching for yourself for a little while now. Well, here you are!"
So many mirrors, and so many moments.
I'm on my way back to Napa, just a couple days before the solar eclipse and new moon this Monday the 21st of August. I love astrology, and I use it for personal reflection and emotional growth. Based on what's happening in the sky, and my life right now, this truly is the time to look at all the parts of myself that have come to the surface. The go-getter, the sad child, the loving daughter, the goofball, the scared little girl, the lover, the artist.
I realize I am an artist because it's my path to finding myself. I don't create art because I enjoy drawing, even though that has lead me closer to this road. I don't create art because I have all these ideas and I want to work on them. No. I create art because it forces me to go inside and pull something out that is medicine for everybody. Usually they can easily be wrapped into a children's book or a nice painting that somebody can enjoy. But sometimes, I'm finding, it must take on another shape. Music, screaming, dancing, mess, order, a scribble. Sometimes it's a shape that nobody wants. But you know what...I want it! I want it so much!!
And I want this for all of us! I want us to be ourselves how ever silly, icky, messy, radiant, humble that is. I know we can lift our burdens and fly again.
I will relish these moments, reflect and watch as the planets move past each other is unique ways. I might even do a solstice dance or some witchy incantation/song-thing mixed with a prayer for appreciation.
These moments are all we have.