Welcome, Dreamwalker

The most suprising thing I've done is write an entire novel. I grew up writing consistenly in my journal about feelings, sometimes short stories, sometimes rotten things about neighbors. But I also grew up thinking I was a shit writer, until I realized that it doesn't matter what people say. And practice can also fill most of the holes you have in your skills anyway.

But I'm notorious for bad spelling. And that will always be a struggle.

One night I was walking home from the Library in Sunnyvale and I thought I'd play a bit. I started telling myself a story amidst the moonlight and frangrant honeysuckle bushes as I strolled through the neighborhood. I walked slower. I tuned in. I became something else.

Dreamwalker is the story that was birthed that night, and has been a part of my path for the last couple years. I've worked with an amazing writing group and two editors. It's out there, finding the last few people who can help me share it in a large way with all of you. Soon.

Some concept artwork from the book:

Annie is an author and illustrator with books available on Amazon and local book stores. She is open for commission, too! She lives in California, and loves tea, bike rides, reading, and exploring new places.

When pleasure is work, but work isn't pleasure.

"In a world of start-ups and side-hustles, have the blurred lines of work-life balance changed the meaning of leisure time? As WeWork offices replace Midtown New York's historic Lord & Taylor department store, The New York Times examines how work has replaced personal pleasure in the pursuit of escapism: "With the rise of the internet, shopping came to look like work, and work, in many instances, came to look like leisure..." - From The WWClub.com

When reading this yesterday on http://thewwclub.com, I was struck with a deep sense of sadness. Yes- this is what I've been feeling- the discomfort and disappointment of making your passion a career, and loosing the places where you used to escape and find refuge. For so many years of my life, artmaking was where I did found comfort. I'd sit and draw in my sketchbook at the beach or at the park. I giggled at the characters that appeared on the page: new friends.

But that changed when I got a full time job as an illustrator.

I started going to yoga class a few years into it because it was the only place I could walk into where I didn't have to do anything except "be". I was a full time illustrator , working for a startup in the Sillycon Valley, stressed out of my mind. I felt myself wanting to scream some days, quit other days, but it was a great opportunity.

Since freelancing in 2017, I've eased off on my yoga practice and focused the majority of my energy and finances on building a business around my immense love of art and illustration. But this has made it worse. Now there's no stability in a paycheck. The urge to run away is REAL.

I can relate all to0 well with Rebecca Green's post about burnout
I asked some friends on Twitter about burnout. What do you do to remedy this thing? They responded with suggestions like, extra self care, Netflix, and not doing the thing that burned you out.

One might find self care difficult when you start mixing pleasure and work, and it because this confusing ball of who-knows-what. I'm taking that ball and making it sacred again. But it takes some serious separation and time management.

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How have you taken steps to gain back our lust for life? I'd love to know, and I'm sure the more we share, the more we can tap into what will heal us forward.

Annie is an author and illustrator with books available on Amazon and local book stores. She is open for commission, too! She lives in California, and loves tea, bike rides, reading, and exploring new places.

Tea Time!

My twin sister held a New Years Eve tea this past Sunday. We decided it will be a new tradition, we loved it so much. She's a fricken Martha Stewart in the kitchen by the way, and has determination for days. She made homemade ciabatta bread for the veggie sandwiches, traditional scones, vegan scones for me, apple jam, and candied chai pecans for a spinach salad. I only made strawberry vegan tarts and was tired from it....

My older sister and aunties brought berries, rye sandwiches, and cookies, and we spent the afternoon talking about everything from Jerusalem to knitting to wrestling. An average day with the fam.

I love the idea of forging new traditions. My twin gave me a bracelet this Christmas that reads, "Live What You Love", and I think these two ideas go hand in hand. Every day, every holiday, live your passions and love. Craft days, traditions, and moments filled with that love and relish it.

This, I believe, makes life rich in the ways that count.

Happy New Year and here's to days brimming with love.

Annie is an author and illustrator with books available on Amazon and local book stores. She is open for commission, too! She lives in California, and loves tea, bike rides, reading, and exploring new places.

Wins and new goals.

Maybe it's a bit premature to talk about 2018, but 2017 is almost over so what the heck.

I celebrated the release of a new picture book with Larisa Stephenson tonight, and it had me thinking about this whole year and what I would like to work on next year....which is in a few days. Although I'm proud to release this book, I look back on the past year as I created it, and more stuggle than I'd hoped to see.

I'm over all very happy with the work I've created in 2017. My clients and my author pals are a joy, and they gave me a lot of purpose. But taht purpose is dampened because I feel very unhealthy in my body. Even though I love making art, I resent sitting and doing it. My body screams back at me- elbow is janky, my tummy has been accumilating a couple of flat tires, and my brain can only focus for 30 minutes at a time.

Burnout? Yeah, a little of that. Diet and exercise regimen lacking? Most likely. Mental fog making it harder to see what needs to be shifted. For sure.

I have considered myself a healthy eater and an active individual, but this year has proven to me that something is not working. Even though I eat vegan, I've gained 15-20 lbs in 2017, lost a lot of muscle, and feel more mentally foggy that ever. I though vegan was good for the animals AND for me. But I'm suffering.

Tonight I read a little PDF by Arnold Ehret called, "Rational Fasting". It's free and full of wisdom, personal anecdotes, and research. Maybe it's a bit extreme, but it helped me uncover something that I needed to see.

He talks of "vegetarian gluttony" and the idea that moderation- true moderation- of animal foods and even processed [real] foods, are healther than the overeating of a vegetarian diet.

Ok. I do this. When I went vegan 2 years ago, I started eating like a horse. I am an emotional eater, and would eat to the point of discomfort when we went out to restaurants. I don't know why or where I learned this habit but I've done it for so long, and the new found freedom to gorge myself on "healthy vegan" foods enabled this addictive tendency. Even now, I don't really know what a healthy portion size is.

So here I am, eating fairly healthy, whole, real foods, and gaining weight. Feeling miseral, and not enjoying my art, my free time, my travel, because my body is uncomfortable. And all because I've tricked myself to thinking that because I eat nourishing foods, I can eat myself silly and still be ok. Maybe if I was running 4+ miles every day I would be ok. But I'm sitting at a desk drawing all day... because that's how you draw!

There are cultures all over the world that talk about health and longevity. They mention that eating small amounts is key to living longer and maintaining health. There is no vegetarian gluttony in recommended daily diet.

So 2018, I'm going to reclaim my wellbeing and give myself a chance to feel good again. I'm going to try a different approach to eating meals, and thinking about how much I actually need. Maybe I'll find that the space allows for more freedom, more comfort, and more ease- more focus to provide the best art I can, and tell the most truth I have inside of me!

Here here and happy new year!

I'll keep ya posted!

Annie is an author and illustrator with books available on Amazon and local book stores. She is open for commission, too! She lives in California, and loves tea, bike rides, reading, and exploring new places.

Rest and Digest

Underneight all of the paintbrushes, thick, rough, Arches paper, under the invoices, emails, sketches, digital comps, micron doodles... is nothing.

An artist is no different from the person next to them. Their gift is about constantly channeling from the cosmos and converting into a visual language. It's magical, yes. But so are many other gifts that rock.

We are all creative and have this incredible power to invent, solve problems, and express ourselves. But we don't create constantly. We consume information, download information, digest it, process it, then eliminate or express it. There are stages where we can't create, in fact, where we even need to rest. "REst and digest"- we've heard this before, right?

It's lke eating, digesting, pooping. It's like that.

Imagine, now, that you had to produce poop for a living. So you had to feed yourself and digest quickly in order to do this, alllll day. How fucking uncomfortable!

I feel like being a commercial artist is a lot like this. Some people are fine pooping art out all day. I envy those rare few. But I have a hunch that at times even they need a break.

And the others, like me, revered artists as a child. They were told they were very talented, and something there connected. The career path sounded glorified. Oh, to work on a movie like Aladdin! Oh, to paint like James Jeam! Oh, to illustrate a book like Shaun Tan.... Oh, to be as cool as they are!

In daily life, however, it is not glamerous and there is no glory. It feels unatural and forced. In order to keep up, one must consume at a higher rate, process the information timely, and constantly produce. Part of this is due to lacking expertise, and part of this is due to naivete. Because art doesn't HAVE to be held in this kind of cage. It doesn't have to conform to these rules. In fact, it won't. Even if you try to, you'll experience its power and own will.

So I come back to self care as I realize that I want a different path. And it's ok that I'm not a constantly pooping artist. I have my own cycle of consumption, digestion, and elimination, and I feel more whole and loved when I listen to it.

Annie is an author and illustrator with books available on Amazon and local book stores. She is open for commission, too! She lives in California, and loves tea, bike rides, reading, and exploring new places.