Newshville

I will never get sick of the way life works, though I admit, sometimes I want to punch it in the face and run away. But still, it's amazing how everything is always changing! Always shifting, flowing, fighting, forging.

I'm in Nashville this week for work, and I feel different. I feel like new energy is coming in weather I like it or not (see what I did there?). Visiting old friends in new places makes for a very robust combination. There's so much joy in seeing your old collegue, in this case my friend Christina, and discovering her new home, in Nashville.

I love the South. It's slower, greener, loose and light. But it's also dense when it comes to setting in roots, almost like you must ground yourself here...being a floater myself, I feel like it would take some settling down in order to stay here. And I like noticing this. I like seeing where I stand in the world. And right now I'm still floating. It's all ok.

Knowing what you need and making decisions to move forward are two different things. I know I need yoga, tea, walks, friendship, family, outings, exploration, reading, warm blankets, live music. But moving forward is scary and it takes baby steps. I'm ok with this, too. I trust that taking care of myself in small ways, will lead to making the larger decisions.

Seeing my friend build her own home with an amazing man in a new place, makes me realize that I can build my environment now. We all can. Whether that's with someone else, on your own, you get to choose in this lifetime what attitude you want to live with, what your space will look like, and who you surround yourself with.

I've been known to chuck out physical treasures these days (just ask my mom), mostly because I've felt like I needed to shed my skin. Truth is, shedding the old Annie skin and trying things like going on a tour across the US, or moving to NYC, or going a Spain and France solo trip, has helped me learn about myself. But I don't think I shed an old skin, instead I formed a stronger shell. This is a helpful shell, like a snail's shell, one where I can rely on myself more and more, and feel at home in my own skin, where ever that may be.

I'm still working on this. Very much so!

And I resort to old feelings of wanting to stay close to family. It's a cycle. And Everyday I have to appreciate that life will surprise me. And in the meantime, I'll build my home, maybe with some small treasures, maybe just with some self care, one small step at a time.

Wishing you the best time with your explorations, and lots of love!

Annie

Annie is an author and illustrator with books available on Amazon and local book stores. She is open for commission, too! She lives in California, and loves tea, bike rides, reading, and exploring new places.

Extending a hand

Switching from scared to open. Been focusing too much on scaling, getting "out there", making more money. Asking all the wrong questions. It's not working for me.

Going to ask different questions...

Instead, how can I use my abilities to help others?

Instead, how can I make people smile?

Instead, how can I bring in more joy?

Instead, how can I not worry about material items, and enjoy every thing in my environment NOW.

Lots of love, Annie

Annie is an author and illustrator with books available on Amazon and local book stores. She is open for commission, too! She lives in California, and loves tea, bike rides, reading, and exploring new places.

Define "Love".

Some music for your reading pleasure...

This is what I asked my friends on facebook. It got 70+ comments whereas most of my posts get a handful. I wanted to know what real people think love means. The media shows us what it can look like: sometimes two people who smile at each other with fluttering eyes, then there are stories about people like mother Theresa and children who raise money to purchase hearing aids for other deaf kids. Then there is our own story about love.

Honestly I was asking about the big kind of “Love”, not really the romantic and sexy “love”, but that’s where most people stood in their definitions. We’re all obsessed with romantic relationships. And I get it. They’re powerful!

Here’s what they said:

Some didn’t want to define it in words.

Some said it was a biological lie.

One said it was chemically akin to eating a few chocolate bars.

And many said it required sacrifice, putting the other person first.

I challenged people on their answers, mostly because I’m curious how we can love someone dearly, then be an absolute asshole to someone else. Are only some people worthy of our love? Is love conditional? Does it have to be reciprocal to be called love?

Marriam Webster has several definitions for love, and I wanted to consider what Academia says about it. The first 3 talk about love for a thing or person. They call it a desire for an object, and it involves projecting feelings onto it. The 4th definition lacks the desire to have the object, but instead involves a wish for the object. There doesn’t seem to be any projection or pull. Its has a giving quality, an allowing quality about it.

A facebook friend said this: “Love is an unconditional feeling, it’s selfless.. uncontrollable, and has no limits or judgement.. a connection between souls, that is indescribable. I’ve done my best to describe it, but no one really can. It is the most powerful and beautiful thing.” -Jamie Jones

This kind of love is big and lasts throughout time. The other kind is dependent on the thing being there… One day that hot bod will turn flabby or someone might loose their mind with mental illness. I guess then you’ll know which kind of love you had for them.

The reason I asked this question in the first place is because I know so many loving people who still hate others. And what part of them is hating, I wonder? In order to love the “big Love”, you really do have to loose your self (thank you Jamie Jones!). So when we hate, are we too attached to ourself? Are we holding onto something?

It’s funny to me how many people hate a current political figure. He’s egotistic. Always saying, “I’m so good at this, and we’re the best country in the world! Muah!” He bashes others over the internet because it’s easy to. He makes so many of us cringe and scream at our screens. And what we hate so much is his ego. He makes decisions based on it and we want to yell at our neighbors who support him, and secretly wish to find him and slap his face.

We want to rid the world of it so much, yet we hold on so dearly to our own.

T.E Lawrence wrote “The truest knowledge of love might be to love what self despised.”

You don’t have to condone their actions, and you don’t have to enjoy them. You only have to have compassion and hope for their healing regardless of what you get in return. It’s unconditional, and it doesn’t feel springy and soft, but it lasts. It lasts when the person or thing is gone, and it carries people through tough times.

I have a challenge for you: Find someone you know or don’t know personally that really rubs you the wrong way. For one day, choose to love them. Choose to see them as a human being, who suffers, and wish for their happiness and healing.

Can you offer this? Will you offer this?

Annie is an author and illustrator with books available on Amazon and local book stores. She is open for commission, too! She lives in California, and loves tea, bike rides, reading, and exploring new places.

Relishing the moments, no mustard required.

New York is made of moments.

I treasure many of them, but I'm not immune to loosing sight of some, too. ...Or getting held up in logistics and trying to earn money. I forget to look up at the trees, you know?

Matching outfits!  Yes, please!

Coming here to NYC was a dream come true. I was so stuck doing it, and I told myself it would be a trial run. Now that I'm here, I see the possiblities and opportunities, and I often think, "I could get use to this". But there's also a mash of feelings taht come alone with this gusto. Moving across the country away from friends and family without an anchoring foundation like University or a new job, makes for a really strange experience. It's like an actress moving to LA to try and "make it". You feel deeply like that's the place you need to be, but it's not simple and it's not emotionally smooth, and everyone asks, "Why are you going to New York?"

But when has anything been emotionally smooth for me? "Just wanted to try it out," I reply.

Good friends and ramen.

I've met up with friends who came here to visit, dear beloved friends that I don't get to see often. It's funny that we were able to clandestantly be together in New York, each brought together for a day from Orange County, DC, Westchester, and a rouge one (maybe a new brooklynite?).

I've spent time with a new love, a man who kind of snuck into my life suddenly before I realized it wasn't random at all. Oblivious to the potential, I connected with him through a mutual friend before coming out here, and it's blossomed into something really special. I've seen so many aspects of myself, accompanied by his loving kindness. He's opened me back up to love, and we laugh hard at each other.

Pete, the sweet!

It's like, "Here Annie, follow this dream and then see who you really are! You've been wanting this, right? You've been searching for yourself for a little while now. Well, here you are!"

So many mirrors, and so many moments.

I'm on my way back to Napa, just a couple days before the solar eclipse and new moon this Monday the 21st of August. I love astrology, and I use it for personal reflection and emotional growth. Based on what's happening in the sky, and my life right now, this truly is the time to look at all the parts of myself that have come to the surface. The go-getter, the sad child, the loving daughter, the goofball, the scared little girl, the lover, the artist.

From "Dreamwalker", novel in progress.

I realize I am an artist because it's my path to finding myself. I don't create art because I enjoy drawing, even though that has lead me closer to this road. I don't create art because I have all these ideas and I want to work on them. No. I create art because it forces me to go inside and pull something out that is medicine for everybody. Usually they can easily be wrapped into a children's book or a nice painting that somebody can enjoy. But sometimes, I'm finding, it must take on another shape. Music, screaming, dancing, mess, order, a scribble. Sometimes it's a shape that nobody wants. But you know what...I want it! I want it so much!!

And I want this for all of us! I want us to be ourselves how ever silly, icky, messy, radiant, humble that is. I know we can lift our burdens and fly again.

I will relish these moments, reflect and watch as the planets move past each other is unique ways. I might even do a solstice dance or some witchy incantation/song-thing mixed with a prayer for appreciation.

These moments are all we have.

Appreciate.